1. |
Stillborn In Love
02:46
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Don’t fall far, deep, hard
Don’t fall far, deep, hard
Don’t fall far (I love you), deep, hard
Don’t fall far (I love you), deep, hard
Won’t all scars seep dark from the far, black stars that I chart, those sleek shards that you sparked into are? I am tar, car parts that won’t start, farce art. There are still from all the videos of everything you’ve uglied up for both of us; the ghost of us is thickening the walls around my heart. Circle into smaller holes.
I keep imagining an epitaph, in a timeline undefined:
"Beloved Father, Purified Water"
Watch me walk on my left hand.
I want to tell you I'm feeling better, and I will, and I'll tell you I do.
But I'm sick.
I've been feeling sick, and little things I own start crying because they're mine.
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2. |
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I dreamt a room where all is black and red, a chandelier, deep grooves into the bed, voodoo fetishes, a dream within a dream. And in that room, I had to live with me. And in the dark, I had to slip inside, osmose into the night, determine when I’m seen.
Invisible, long is my night
Miserable, long is your knife
Strange results, wrong is my right
Miserable, long is your knife
Long is my night
Long is your knife
Wrong is my right
Long is your knife
I’m not here
I was never here
Stare veneer
Outline is so clear
Ghost stays here
I was never here
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3. |
Travel/Re-Ritual
03:32
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What’s in the middle part? I’ve slipped in an infinite figure-8 without hesitation. You thought I died. I tried. Now the mysticism I lit up and fitted inside of me allows me to be seen when I decide. No “I” in team, just me, and all the unseen. I reappear as a ghost, or so you thought. What is caught? I catch you on your way to sever the scene of every tear that you shed for supposed loss from you. You’ve slept in permafrost; you look blue in the face, but you don’t mind being haunted inside the car. Call me a dark star. Call me a stark messenger. I just want to see how far I can make “too far.” You’re the only one who can see me, half asleep in the backseat. Fuck the defeated look on my face. Throw a glass, smashed into fractions in the motel when my name is mentioned; the vivisection of the innate.
I’m cold, faux-coped, I’m cold
I’m comatose through 20,000 volts
I’m starting to get scared that if I
live in dark, the dark is all I’ll know
Everybody’s at this retreat and I’m just a stowaway. I’m with you and I guilt you to love me ‘til you go away. Every friend who thought they remembered me right is outside. I thought sin was simple, but what is wrath without pride? I sit in the cabin and recall the dream from “Ritual.” I sit in the cabin ‘til the glow from Holy light subsides into another dream I don’t want to let into my already unsteady line of sight.
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4. |
Smaller Holes 2: Train
05:09
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A train
Dark, fog, and rain
Walk to the door
Walk through the door
Step up
Sit like I’m stuck
Faces blurred out
Faceless without
details
I’ve never felt
like dropping off
like lamp fire moth
I dove so far into nether, seems I’ll never be seen again,
but I will mend before too long
I am strong
and I will live when this is done
There's a common thread
in what Alicia said
and the falling church
Center slot is cursed
To the door, through the door
I've always wanted to love what can't be saved
In a train car,
I'm reminded
all my love is selfish
in the dark I felt this
I am here, always here
I've always wanted to be recognized on the street
There's a part of me
in a parted sea
split by giant hands
I don't understand
where I've been, where I am
I'm always worried that I'll never make it home
I've dove so far to nether, seems I'll never be seen again, but I will mend before too long; I am strong, and I will live to see this done
I keep having the same strange dream,
where the presence that guides me to write dies in me
I want to you to board my train
and finally see what I mean, so I feel sane
But instead you just ask, “What’s up?”,
and I say nothing
But now, here’s something:
You can only see from outside,
you can only see from outside
(I love you too much, I love you too)
I’ve been treading water all night
She won’t kill me, but my fear might
Circle back to smaller holes now
fire’s in me and it’s cold out
Climb out
Walk back outside
Walk to the pines
My fire to them
And then,
fall to my knees
So sings my soul,
“How great thou art!”
You are!
I tried too hard
You take a knee
Kneel next to me
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5. |
The Palm of a Fault
05:00
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We roll out of the fire
We roll into the grass, in what looks like the 50s
Your stare is alive
and it's living in mine, now you're crying with me
I'm spilling it all
I know that you know, you've stared off my veiling
I'm visible now
You're weeping in crowds, and we're thinking the same thing
We were wrong, in the palm of a fault
I love you, and I'm sorry is all
and I can't tell a story without making mistakes
and leaving out the good days
I pull you on foot
We both look around, and the scenery switches
Surprise is a friend
There's black and there's white, a preacher betwixt this
A wedding as waves
We're swept up and dazed, but as we get calmer,
it eases the tide
The people subside, and we lay on the altar
You fold in my chest
My errors are a red fern grown
I don't want the future;
I just want you, and you alone
Don't fall
far
deep
hard
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6. |
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I had this dream, and I woke up right next to you
Shook you awake, feeling restless and destitute
Tried to tell you everything at once
I couldn’t find any of the words I was hunting
leaving these gaps where their should’ve been something
You seemed so upset when I was done
You calmed me regardless and said, “It’s alright,”
and I tried to stay calm through the rest of the night
But calm wouldn’t come when I kindly invited it
Managed to smile in the morning in spite of it
Thought of my dream, and I figured I’d write of it then
I just got a job that required a new suit
I wore it and itched through my morning commute
Brand new notebook on my knees
The world through the windows from South to North side
from her house to my home seemed so well-organized
with everything at 90 degrees
I wanted to write, but the world that I’d made
was nothing but trouble refusing to fade
I wanted an inside as big as what’s seen
through the eyes of creators, of kings and of queens
But the world that I’m in isn’t nearly as mean as my own
A call knocked me out of my stare, and I answered
A friend in photography now captures dancers
and gets paid just enough to eat
We talked about all that we could for 10 minutes
My train started stalling; our talking went with it
until her tone signaled defeat
She said that a decade’s gone by, and she’s scared
the top of her field won’t leave room for her there
I can’t help but think of a personal place
with islands and ocean and mountains and lakes
I think of a place where the weather is cold
and the heat of one moment is told and retold
I think of a crash and a whale and a boar
and they all keep repeating musical scores
And the thought makes me think of success at its core; I think solemnly,
If I can go, and stay,
and not have to weep ‘til the end of my days,
then I can truly say I’ve made it
If I can go, and stay,
and articulate feelings through shapes in my brain,
then I can truly say I’ve made it
and that I’d made it out alive
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7. |
Brett For Brett
02:27
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8. |
Buried
03:01
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9. |
You Are My Sunshine
01:43
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The Lamp Foundation Indianapolis, Indiana
Independent record label based in Indiana.
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